"Pocketknives
to
Broadswords "
  1. We are cold, mean, cruel, heartless, rude, crude, socially unacceptable, dirty, nasty, evil, decadent, outlaws,.....but generally nice guys.
  2. Don't ever bring a knife to a gun fight.
  3. Those who live by the sword:  die by the crossbow; get shot by those who don't; need to join the 21st Century.
  4. If you think you are a schmuck, don't use these. If you don't think you're a schmuck, but your friends tell you you are, believe them.
  5. We can meet most anyone's prices even if we have to raise our own.
  6. Batteries not included or may be included if you ask nicely.
  7. Under 18 not admitted without parent.
  8. This message or web site does and does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or alter ego.
  9. All rights reserved.
  10. You may distribute this message freely, but you may not make a profit from it.
  11. Terms are subject to change without notice.
  12. These items have not been safety tested for children under the age of three.
  13. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail.
  14. Intended solely for the private use of our audience.
  15. Any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead or undead, is unintentional and purely coincidental.
  16. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law.
  17. Hand wash only. Tumble dry on low heat.
  18. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle.
  19. Your mileage may vary.
  20. No substitutions allowed except by us, see #1
  21. For a limited time only.
  22. The message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted.
  23. Caveat emptor.
  24. Prices may vary in Alaska, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico but we don't ship outside the continental US unless you pay us lots and lots of money.
  25. Message is provided "as is" without any warranties.
  26. Reader assumes full responsibility.
  27. Past performance does not predict future results and people can and do lose money.
  28. An equal opportunity offender.
  29. Guys: No shoes, no shirt, no sale.
  30. Girls: No shoes, no shirt, free stuff or discounted.
  31. Quantities are limited while supplies last.
  32. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself, but return to an authorized service center which we are not.
  33. Read at your own risk.
  34. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics.
  35. Owners may contain explicit materials that some people may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised.
  36. Please be offended in the privacy of your own home. If you are offended, see disclaimer #1.
  37. Keep away from sunlight.
  38. Keep away from pets and small children.
  39. You need not be present to win.
  40. You need to be present to win.
  41. Some assembly required.
  42. No assembly required.
  43. Action figures sold separately.
  44. No preservatives added.
  45. Slippery when wet.
  46. Safety goggles may be required during use.
  47. Sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken.
  48. Call before you dig.
  49. Not responsible for damages occurring through the use, misuse, or inability to use this product.
  50. For external use only.
  51. Swallow at your own risk.
  52. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue use.
  53. These products have not been allergy tested.
  54. These have not been Kid tested, Mother approved but Dad may like them.
  55. Use only with proper ventilation.
  56. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place.
  57. Keep away from open flames.
  58. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes.
  59. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit.
  60. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source.
  61. Do not microwave.
  62. Smoking this message could be hazardous to your health.
  63. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added.
  64. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician.
  65. May cause drowsiness, alcohol may intensify this effect.
  66. Use caution when operating a car or dangerous machinery.
  67. Possible penalties for early withdrawal.
  68. Offer valid only at participating sites.
  69. Slightly higher west of the Rockies.
  70. Allow four to six weeks for delivery.
  71. Must be at least 18 years of age to purchase.
  72. Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
  73. Knives are sharper than they appear.
  74. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, B Bs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.).
  75. Other restrictions may apply.
  76. Contents measured by weight only, contents may settle in transit.
  77. May cause random outbursts of extreme violence, epileptic seizures, or whatever.
  78. Actual item may differ from illustration on box.
  79. If you feel our shipping charges or any other charges are too high, then open up your own business.
  80. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone for any reason we deem fit.
  81. Store in non-humid areas.
  82. Damn this water park sucked.
  83. Clean your blade, it could save your life.
  84. Tetanus shots not included.
  85. Shipping peanuts are not edible.
  86. Do not lick the blades.
  87. Pictures may not be what is described as we may have screwed up, same goes with prices. (oops)
  88. Not to be used for masturbatory purposes, unless we are invited to photograph session.
  89. We are not professional photographers so don't bitch if you don't like your pictures.
  90. Girls not included with knives, axes or other items, and trust us, you couldn't afford them.
  91. Do not use in or around electrical power sources.
  92. To prevent electrical shock hazard, do not expose to rain or moisture.
  93. Do not remove cover. No user serviceable parts inside.
  94. Keep hands and other body parts away from cutting surface.
  95. Read all instructions carefully. Use dictionary for the big words.
  96. You may not purchase these items if you have been judged mentally incompetent or convicted of a felony by a court.
  97. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up this right, anything you say can and will be used against you by us at anytime we deem fit, especially if a reward is involved or if we need to beat the stuffing out of you..
  98. If you have to ask how much it is, you still may be able to afford it.
  99. If our price sounds reasonable to you, buy it. If it doesn't, buy it anyway.
  100. Do not exceed recommended dosage.
  101. Most items can cause damage to pacemakers.
  102. Do not use while driving.
  103. Do not place items in the area over an airbag or in the airbag deployment area. If the airbag inflates, item may be propelled with great force and cause serious injury to occupants of vehicle.
  104. Sheath item when entering any area with a potentially explosive atmosphere unless it is a type especially qualified for use in such areas. Sparks in a potentially explosive atmosphere can cause an explosion or fire resulting in bodily injury or death.
  105. Contents hot when heated.
  106. The floggings will continue until morale improves.
  107. We believe in fairness; we'll arm all sides for the right price.
  108. If taken internally serious gastric disturbances will result.
  109. Do not dispose of in toilets.
  110. Any insult is purely a mistake and is due to the stupidity and insensitivity of the reader.
  111. We might be cheap but are not easy, well depends on your feminine body as how easy we are.
  112. All pricing is subject to change without notice depending on who you are and how we feel at the time.
  113. Posting of pictures sent in are purely at the discretion of the site owners. ( but really of the guy that does the web page.)
  114. Please note that Country of Origin Does Not determine the quality of the product. 
  115. Although some of the swords pictured are sharp and functional, they are not recommended or designed for chopping tree limbs, brush, or for general utility use. Swords damaged or broken due to misuse will void the manufacturer’s warranty.
Send mail to Ben Daw with technical questions about knives, swords, etc.
Send mail to Sales with order and availability checks.
Copyright © 1993-2017 Lazy Dragon
DISCLAIMERS